Is Christmas the Only Season for Giving?

By Wess Stafford

The last two months of the year have traditionally been known as "the season of giving." Whether it is the good cheer of the holidays or the appeal of potential tax deductions, the year's end seems to prompt charitable giving. Nonprofit organizations are keenly aware of the opportunity presented by the holiday season. This year, I expect that end-of-year appeals will feature a double plea for generosity. Not only will they rely on the tried and true annual "season of giving" sentiment, but they will also likely include some version of the nearly ubiquitous theme:

In these tough economic times...

Now more than ever...

In today's climate...

In no way am I disparaging organizations that are using these appeals. My own organization has been long blessed by end-of-year giving and, especially "in these tough economic times," we are particularly humbled by the generosity of our donors. But what are we really saying? If we are saying that this is the season for giving or that current economic conditions merit increased generosity, aren't we implying that giving is unnecessary at other times of the year or when the American economy is strong? It is as though we live under the delusion that if things are going smoothly for us--either as individuals or as a nation--then surely things are going smoothly for everyone else.

The need is not greater because of the Christmas tree in the living room or the wreath on the front door. When the stockings are put away and the ornaments stowed in the attic, will starving children somehow be less hungry? Will the homeless suddenly have shelter?

Nothing could be further from the truth. The reality is that even during the Christmas season people are needlessly suffering and dying from things like starvation, HIV/AIDS, malaria and a lack of basic medical care. In good economic times, children are still sold into prostitution, abused and abandoned. Even when the stock market is up, there are still millions of children who face an uncertain future due to a lack of education or the uphill battle of caring for a family ravaged by AIDS.

My heart breaks for the struggles that so many Americans are facing this Christmas. It is absolutely right that we be concerned about the families who are struggling to keep their homes, the mothers who are desperately trying to make ends meet each month, the fathers who feel the frustration of being downsized and unable to provide for their families. We should all do what we can to help our neighbors in need. But we can't forget those for whom poverty isn't part of an economic downturn but rather endemic generation after generation. And when things improve in our own nation--and God willing, this will happen soon--we can't forget those still suffering.

There is no wrong time to be generous. In these tough economic times and in the good times to come, it is important to do what we can to ease the burden for those less fortunate than ourselves. During the holiday season, and in every season, we can bring help and hope to those in need.

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Wess Stafford is the President and CEO of Compassion International, the world's largest Christian child development organization that releases children from poverty through one-to-one child sponsorship.

Find article here: http://newsweek.washingtonpost.com/onfaith/guestvoices/2009/12/only_one_season_for_giving.html

Calvary's Road....the Ultimate Journey

By David Jeremiah

One Sunday years ago as I was preaching about the Christmas story, I suggested that if we want a true picture of Christmas in our minds, we have to envision a cradle with the shadow of the cross looming over it. One of the ladies in the choir came up to me afterward and told me she was an illustrator who, during the previous Christmas, had put together a Christmas card like that. She had drawn a picture of the manger, and spreading over it was the shadow of a cross. Some people think this takes the romance out of Christmas. No, it puts the truth into it.

The road to Bethlehem ended up at Calvary. Jesus’ ultimate purpose in coming was to die for our sins and to be our Redeemer. I’m afraid we get so caught up in the external things of the season that we forget that the Babe of Bethlehem came into the world to be your Savior and mine. He was born in humanity and in humility so that He might ultimately become the sin bearer of the world on the cross. The prickly straw of the manger prefigured the nails that would one day pierce His skin.

Jesus was very aware of this, and one of the things we discover as we read the Gospels is that He wanted the entire world to know His mission. He repeatedly used a phrase that, it seems to me, is very significant. He kept saying, “I have come. . . .” I have come to do this, and to do this, and to do this. On thirteen occasions in the Gospels, Jesus used that phrase I have come . . .

This phrase presupposes our Lord’s preexistence. Jesus Christ is unlike any other person who has ever lived, in that He possesses a double nature. He is both God and man, fully divine and fully human. In Isaiah 9 the Messiah is called the Mighty God. John’s Gospel opens by saying, “The Word was God,” and it closes with Thomas declaring, “My Lord and my God.”

As God, Jesus has always existed and always will exist. He is eternal in the heavens. The prophet Micah told us that His comings and goings are from old, even from everlasting. But on that remarkable night in Bethlehem, God the Son took upon himself a second nature and became a human being. The Word became flesh.

Now, if Jesus Christ is the eternal God who intentionally became a man, that means His coming to earth was pre-planned. He himself designed His mission before His virgin birth. He was able to look down on this planet, see a great need, and say, “I am going to be born in order to meet that critical need.” And, having done so, we would expect Him to tell us the reason for such an indescribable wonder as this. Thus the importance of those three words that He repeatedly used: I have come. . . . He planned his trip in advance, chose the route, and deliberately took the Calvary Road.

He Came to Manifest the Father

First, Jesus came to manifest the Father. Jesus said in John 5:43, “I have come in My Father’s name.” As John 1:18 explains, “No one has seen God at any time. The only begotten Son, who is in the bosom of the Father, He has declared Him.” The Calvary Road is the greatest revelation of our heavenly Father’s love. He demonstrated His love for us in that though we are hell-bound sinners, Christ died for us that through Him we might be reconciled to the God whom He manifests.

The Presbyterian preacher, Clarence Macartney, once said that when he was growing up, his family and his church didn’t sing hymns; they only sang the Psalms of David. “But,” he added, “whenever my father was in a particularly good humor—when his work in the study was over or things had gone well at the college—he used to whistle the tune of a hymn. It was always the same tune, ‘There Is a Fountain Filled with Blood.’”

Jesus came to represent the Father’s love by dying on Calvary’s Cross, giving us a song in our hearts so that our very souls want to whistle about it, for there is a fountain filled with blood drawn from Immanuel’s veins. Christ is heaven’s great ambassador who came to manifest the Father and reconcile us to God.

He Came to Preach a Message

Second, Jesus came to preach a message. We read in Mark’s Gospel that one day in Capernaum, Jesus rose early in the morning and hiked into the nearby mountains to pray. When the disciples found Him, they wanted Him to return with them to the village, but Jesus replied, “Let us go into the next towns, that I may preach there also, because for this purpose I have come forth” (1:38).

For this purpose I have come—to preach, to proclaim a message. It’s the message of the Calvary Road. It’s the Gospel, and the word “Gospel” literally means the Good News, the Good Tidings. This is one of the Bible’s best and most wonderful terms, yet it still seems like an understatement to me.

If you were trapped in a collapsed cave, running out of air, shut in claustrophobic darkness, only minutes away from death and you heard workmen breaking through the rubble to rescue you, would you say, “Well, that’s good news”?

If you were struggling to pay your bills, wondering how you were going to make ends meet, and an attorney informed you that an unknown relative left you twenty million dollars, would you call that “good news”?

If you were on a hospital bed, connected to tubes and monitors dying of a terrible, loathsome disease, and the doctor came in and said, “We’ve just discovered a little pill. Swallow this and you’ll be healed.” Would that be “good news”?

Here we are, poverty-stricken sinners, separated from God by our imperfections, trapped on a doomed planet, dying, facing death and judgment and hell. Yet because He loved us, God himself became a man who willingly traveled the Calvary Road in our place that we might be forgiven of our sins and receive eternal life.

Is that Good News?

It’s more than good news, but we don’t have a word in our vocabulary adequate to describe it. The angels just put it like this: “Behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which shall be to all people. For there is born to you this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord” (emphasis added).

He Came to Enrich Our Lives

Finally, He came to enrich our lives. John 10:10 says, “I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.”

In New York State, there are two cities that draw water from nearby mountains. One of the cities depends on a lake which tends to dry up in times of drought, forcing the city to issue water emergencies and pass all sorts of laws about water usage. But the other city gets its water supply from a lake in the Catskills that never goes dry. It is fed by underground streams, and that city never worries about having enough water. They could never exhaust the lake.

So many of us, even as Christians, forget that we have an endless supply of grace. We have an endless supply of joy. We have an endless supply of peace. We don’t have to worry about our spiritual reserves, but we’ve got to tap into them by faith. If we’re committed to Christ and walking in the Spirit, we have an ocean of God’s blessing to draw from every day. We have life in abundance because of the Calvary Road.

Someone once said that in Great Britain, all roads lead to London. For Christ, all roads led to Calvary. From Bethlehem’s Road to Egypt’s Road to the route through Galilee and on to Jerusalem, He set His face like a flint to tread the Calvary Road. That was His ultimate mission, and He never forgot His purpose. He repeatedly said, “I have come . . . I have come . . . I have come . . .” He was ever about His Father’s business.

And because Jesus said, I have come . . . , we can sing: Joy to the world. The Lord has come. Let earth receive Her king . . . Let every heart prepare Him room.

Has your heart prepared Him room? Is there room in your heart for Jesus? He invites us to take the straight and narrow road, the way of the Cross, and to follow Him with all our hearts. Will you do that this Christmas?

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Dr. David Jeremiah, is the founder of Turning Point Radio and Television Ministries and senior pastor of Shadow Mountain Community Church, San Diego Carlifornia

Find article here: http://www.davidjeremiah.org/site/content.aspx?id=3036

Watch Your Tongue

By Deborah Smith Pegues

Most of us are unaware of how often we displease God with our words. Here’s an idea: Try fasting from gossip, complaining and negative words until you overcome.

"Sorry I’m late for the meeting. Traffic!” Half-truths such as this one were becoming easier and easier for me to tell.

Of course, there had been some traffic on the freeway, but nothing that would have delayed my arrival if I had left on time. The real truth was that I had overslept because I had stayed up to watch the late-night edition of The Oprah Winfrey Show.

Notice I didn’t actually say that traffic was extremely heavy or that it was the traffic that had delayed me. I just implied it so that my team members would conclude my tardiness was outside my control.

For some time prior to this incident my husband had been trying to convince me that any intent to deceive is a lie. My conscience had also been faithful to remind me of Proverbs 12:22: “Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord, but those who deal truthfully are His delight” (NKJV).

I had to acknowledge that whether the misrepresentation takes the form of a half-truth, flattery, an exaggeration or blatant deceitfulness, it is still a lie—plain and simple.

I’ve been challenged with sins of the mouth for as long as I’ve been able to talk. However, a few years ago, I reached the height of frustration with my tongue after some unguarded words I spoke wreaked havoc in a valued relationship. The moment I uttered the words, I regretted them. I knew that trying to get them back was as impossible as recapturing a pillowcase of feathers released in the wind.

I decided then that it was time to bring my tongue, that unruly member the apostle James talks about, under control. I began my journey by researching every negative use of the tongue I could find in the Bible. I ultimately identified 30. I’m sure there are more but I knew that if I could conquer even half of them, I would have gained a major victory.

I made a commitment to go on a 30-day “tongue fast,” a period of verbal abstinence from all ungodly speaking. With my arsenal of Scriptures, I embarked upon my quest for a wholesome tongue that would be a wellspring of life in every situation.

I knew the task would be impossible without God’s help. I was well aware of James’ warning: “But no man can tame the tongue. It is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison” (James 3:8).

Nevertheless, I took courage from the words of our Savior, “‘The things which are impossible with men are possible with God’ ” (Luke 18:27). Each time I caught a negative talker in the act, I drafted her to join my mission.

My strategy when faced with the temptation to dishonor God in any way with negative speech was to catch myself, stop midsentence and exclaim, “Tongue fast!” It seemed that I had to restart the fast a zillion times during the first few days.

I would succumb to some of the tongue temptations even though the Holy Spirit was flashing a yellow caution light, warning me to stop. Sometimes I deliberately ran the red light and said the wrong thing; other times I stopped and won the battle.

It was eye-opening as well as disappointing to find out I wasn’t the only one suffering from tongue trouble. During my fast I realized that this is a big problem throughout the body of Christ.

Many people seem to be oblivious to the power of their words to build up or tear down, motivate or discourage, heal or hurt, spread or squash rumors, and delight or deceive. Perhaps you can identify with my struggles and triumphs in the following instances.

Complaining. “Why don’t they just get more tellers?” whined the woman standing in line behind me at the bank. In my desire to relate to her misery, I chimed in and agreed. What else was I supposed to do? Isn’t commiserating how you instantly bond with people?

Was I going to risk alienating myself from her by disagreeing? Heaven’s no!

This incident seems like eons ago. I now have a new strategy. When faced with a long wait, I pull out some reading material, intercede for the salvation of each person around me or try to get the complainer to see the bright side of the situation.

I have not forgotten that it was murmuring and complaining that caused most of the Israelites to die in the wilderness and miss the Promised Land.

I frequently challenge myself to note the number of times I am tempted to complain within a 24-hour period. My goal is to resist the temptation to express displeasure with any person or situation.

I once expanded the no-complaints challenge to seven days when I took an exciting trip to the Hawaiian island of Maui. Before I boarded the plane, I had to resist murmuring about the traffic at the airport, security procedures, the lack of meals on the plane, the length of the flight and a host of other unimportant issues—all before we arrived in Maui.

I am making every effort these days to “pour out my complaint before Him” alone (Ps. 142:2). Sure, it’s OK to solicit a friend’s input on a problem, but constant complaining is a contagious and God-dishonoring pastime. I’m trying to make gratitude a lifelong attitude.

Judging. Benjamin Franklin, one of America’s Founding Fathers, once said, “I will speak ill of no man, not even in the matter of truth, but rather excuse the faults I hear, and, upon proper occasions, speak all the good I know of everybody.”

His philosophy paralleled my grandmother’s age-old advice: “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.”

Easier said than done.

During my tongue fast, I went on a mission to stamp out my tendency to judge people who speak too loudly, overexpose their bodies—particularly when they are going to church—smack their lips while eating, and engage in a host of other behaviors that caused me to silently reject them.

Whatever happened to love covering a multitude of faults? For sure, I needed more love, and I knew the source of it. I also knew that to the extent and in the way I judged others, God would also judge me (see Matt. 7:1-2).

Gossiping. “Deborah, we have to pray. I hear that John, the music director, might be having an affair with the sexy soprano who just joined the choir.”

We all know that such statements are an invitation to gossip—cloaked in a prayer request. And rare is the person who has not been a bearer or eager hearer of information about someone else’s personal affairs.

Because I have been the subject of a few “newsy” conversations myself, I have an aversion to such nonproductive exchanges. I found that the best way for me to resist gossip is to catch myself before I start.

I engage in a little self-interrogation: Why am I willing to use the temple of God as a “trash receptacle” by being a receiver of gossip? Is this my way of establishing a rapport with someone?

Do I need to be the center of attention? Does it make me feel superior to know something negative about someone that the hearer doesn’t know?

Am I envious of the subject’s good fortune? What do I plan to do with the information a gossip shares with me? Am I bored with my life and in need of more meaningful pursuits?

Of course, my best anti-gossip strategy is to heed Solomon’s admonition in Proverbs 20:19 (NIV): “A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid a man who talks too much.” Wherever I am, I declare it to be a gossip-free zone.

Retaliating. I have little respect for wimpy people because they remind me of a few significant people in my life who have allowed others to treat them as doormats. It stands to reason that I am adamant about setting a better example in my own life.

However, I found that I often failed to make the distinction between being assertive and setting healthy boundaries, and responding in kind to negative behavior directed my way. My motto was, “Whatever you say to me is what you’re going to get back.”

And then I stumbled upon 1 Peter 3:9, which states: “Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t retaliate with insults when people insult you.

“Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God has called you to do, and he will bless you for it” (NLT).

This is still the area that I have to commit the most to prayer. I know that I make God sad when I take His job in avenging the verbal wrongs; however, I feel 10 feet tall in my spirit when I “pay them back with a blessing.” Often the best way to do that is to remain pleasantly silent.

Cursing. Cursing? Do you mean as in “profanity”? Christians? Yes, many of God’s children use profanity.

“Oh, that just slipped out,” some say. The truth is that it slipped out of the heart, for “out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks” (Matt. 12:34, NKJV).

Though I was not given to a profane tongue, when I would stub my toe, break something, upset a stack of papers, spill a drink, have an encounter with an extremely difficult person or find myself in any other frustrating situation, I would silently use profanity. When I saw that this behavior was becoming the norm, I ran to God.

I prayed: “Lord, I understand according to Luke 6:45 that ‘a good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good’; and I also understand that ‘an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil. For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.’

“Would you please take the four-letter words out of my heart and replace them with Your expressions? I thank You in advance for purging me of profanity and for allowing the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart to be acceptable in Your sight.”

Every day presents us with an opportunity to respond or to speak in a manner that would dishonor or glorify our heavenly Father. Is it spiritual naiveté to think that we can always say the right thing, at the right time and in the right way?

How was the woman described in Proverbs 31 able to set a communication standard that raised the bar so high? “She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness” (Prov. 31:26). Looks as if she was able to tame her tongue.

One of my spiritual mentors, Marlene Talley, held the secret. More than 25 years ago when she observed my tendency to speak without much forethought, she cautioned, “Stop, think and pray before you speak.”

When we stop, think and pray before we speak, we find ourselves blessing rather than blasting others, exhibiting patience rather than pushiness, sharing good rather than gossip and choosing caring rather than cutting words.

Otherwise, we find our tongue in drive while our brain is in neutral. It is then that our words become verbal shrapnel that lodges in another person’s emotions with disastrous results.

Here’s what I have concluded. Words are verbalized thoughts that emanate from our hearts. If we turn to Scripture and use Philippians 4:8 as our thought sifter, our communication will always go from negative to positive:

“Whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.”

I find that memorizing “tongue” Scriptures such as this is essential to transforming my speech.

I store them in my spiritual war chest for use whenever a situation arises.

King David declared, “ ‘I will guard my ways, lest I sin with my tongue; I will restrain my mouth with a muzzle’ ” (Ps. 39:1). Do you share his desire to honor God in your speech?

Then why not try a day-to-day tongue fast to get started? And don’t forget that the Holy Spirit, your Helper, is standing at attention ready to give you all the grace you need to succeed.
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Find here: http://www.charismamag.com/index.php/features/18506-watch-your-tongue

Deborah Smith Pegues is a popular speaker and best-selling author of 30 Days to Taming Your Tongue. A certified behavioral consultant and certified public accountant, she has also written Financial Survival in Uncertain Times and Emergency Prayers. For more information, go to confrontingissues.com.

It is good to talk

When things are going well and everyone is happy, it is much easier to talk because both of you are comfortable with the issues you are discussing.

On the other hand, when things are not going well and one or both of you are not happy with the situation around, the natural thing to do is to be silent and gradually drift apart.The danger here is that your silence would not solve the problem if anything it just worsens it. In relationship it is good to talk about what you are not comfortable with, as uneasy, as this may be it is one of the best ways to keep your friendship and closeness.Silence creates a dividing wall between you and gives room for assumptions, which may lead to grudges and malice.It is good to talk, you need to set boundaries around your talk, and have a goal.

It is definitely not a time to blame or abuse each other, but a time to take responsibility, to inform each other of the realities and have a plan to solve the issue at hand, this method will protect and foster your friendship.When you are both vulnerable and your relationship is not as strong as it should be, do not avoid each other, this is the time you should wisely treat the weak points and give it the right environment to heal and not be silent.This is the best time to talk, be positive and wise [be careful how and what you talk about] remember your goal is to get your relationship back happier and stronger than it was before.Stop avoiding each other, it is good to talk.

http://www.marriagefellowship.org

No We Can't But Yes God Can

I hope what I have to say below lightens up your burden and brightens your day.

We do not always know why things happen as they do......things that make our spirits sink so low.....things that leave us shattered & hope lost......and we become wavering and unstable, unsure of what the future holds. But in our most inadequacy, know that the Lord God is always able. Though we are incapable, He's powerful and great.

All that is required of us is to trust in Him implicitly.....with a faith that is deep and strong. And while He may not instantly unravel all the strands of the tangled thoughts that trouble us, He completely understands. And in His time, with our faith, will gradually restore the brightness to our spirit that we've been longing for......

So remember there's no cloud too dark for God's light to penetrate......if we keep on believing and have faith enough to wait!

You're not alone in this.....always know that I'll be there when you need me.

Loads of hugs.....

Don't Let Bitterness Poison Your Marriage

By Sabrina Beasley

For nearly two centuries, Beethoven's death was a mystery. The famous musician suffered from irritability, depression, and abdominal pain. His dying wish was that his illness would be discovered so that "the world may be reconciled to me after my death."

In 1994, two Americans launched a study to determine the cause of Beethoven's end. Chemical analysis of a strand of his hair showed his killer—lead poisoning.

More than likely, it was a little poison in everyday activities that took his life. It could have come from drinking out of lead lined cups or having dinner on a lead lined plate—both common household items in that day. Or perhaps it came from eating contaminated fish or even the extensive consumption of wine. It didn't come in one lump sum, but the lead killed him slowly and quietly—one little bit of poison at a time.

That's also how bitterness destroys a marriage. It stores itself in the soul, and slowly poisons the one who carries it. It's a blade meant for another that eventually severs the hand that tightly conceals it.

Recently, I have witnessed what a bitter wife does to a relationship. The problems with her husband are real, and her anger is justified. However, what keeps their marriage from healing is not only the problems that he has to overcome, but also the prideful bitterness she guards in her heart.

Little by little, day by day, she has allowed this bitterness to poison her. Her husband will do something disappointing, and instead of confronting the problem, she silently holds it against him. He continues to make the same mistakes, and she continues to harbor her resentment.

This pattern has gone on for years, and now the love she once felt has numbed and hardened her heart. Recently she walked out on their marriage wearing a list of her husband's transgressions as her armor. Reflecting back on his behavior, she nurses her wounds with words that assure her that their marriage was a mistake—"I knew it all along," she says.

What Causes Bitterness?
In every marriage, a husband or wife does something that hurts the other. It's bound to happen because none of us is perfect. And in some cases, a spouse has a habit of doing the same thing over and over again, even after the behavior is confronted.

Bitterness comes when you hold onto hurt and refuse to forgive the person that hurt you. Most of the time, this comes as a result of ongoing actions of a small nature—lack of understanding, misuse of finances, harsh comments—that build up over time. Each offense takes residence in the heart, and at some point there is no more room left before the wife has had enough. That's when bitterness is manifested and causes the most damage.

What's Wrong With Bitterness?
A hardened heart can cause a lot of pain. Here are three reasons why bitterness should be removed from your heart as soon as possible.

First, bitterness harbors unforgiveness. You may feel justified in your anger. You may think that your husband doesn't deserve your forgiveness until he straightens himself out. But have you forgotten the mercy that Jesus had for you? Romans 5:8 tells us that Christ died for us while we were yet sinners. By God's grace, He didn't wait for us to "get our acts together" before He provided a way for forgiveness. He gave it to us freely even when we didn't deserve it. At Golgotha as the soldiers gambled for Jesus' clothing, the dying innocent Christ prayed, "Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing" (Luke 23:34). If forgiveness is given freely to us, how much more should we give it to our husbands?

Not only should you desire forgiveness simply because it was given so freely to you, but also, the Bible tells us that there are consequences for unforgiveness. Jesus said, "If you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions" (Matthew 6:14-15). Seek forgiveness not only for the sake of your husband, but also for yourself.

The other day, I found that my disappointment in my friend was turning into its own form of bitterness. So I sought the Scriptures for guidance. As always, the Word of God shone brilliant light on my own darkness. I was so moved by the verse I read that I wrote it down over and over until there was no more room left on the note page. "For judgment will be merciless to one who has shown no mercy; mercy triumphs over judgment" (James 2:13).

I wonder how many hurting marriages would be healed if Christian husbands and wives learned to love mercy as much as they love justice?

Second, bitterness doesn't give your husband a chance to repent. If you've been holding in your hurt, your husband may not even know he's offended you. Bitterness often comes from hurt that has been suppressed without communication, like filling up a bottle with pressure—eventually that bottle will explode. In the same way, the outburst in your heart can result in a broken marriage, and your spouse never even saw it coming. In this case, go ahead and tell him what's been bothering you. Sit down and try to work it out.

Perhaps your husband does know of your unhappiness, but he chooses to continue in the same patterns. This does not negate your responsibility to remove the bitterness from your heart. You still need to give him the chance to repent, although stronger measures, such as, marriage counseling may need to take place.

You may ask, "How many times does he have to do something before I'm justified in my bitterness?" In Matthew 18:21-22, Peter had a similar problem. He asked Jesus how many times he needed to forgive someone, even questioning as many as seven times. But Jesus said, "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven." No matter how many times your husband may do something, you are still responsible to forgive him.

(Note: If your husband is physically abusing you, get out of your house and do not stay there. A person who is physically abusive needs extensive counseling and rehabilitation. However, no matter how the situation ends, you can still work on forgiveness from the heart.)

Third, bitterness spreads. Have you ever seen a piece of moldy bread? It appears that there is only one ruined area, but if you looked at the bread through a microscope, you would see long roots spreading throughout the slice. What appears on the surface doesn't reflect what's really happening below.

Bitterness grows the same way. One little bit of bitterness can start to spread throughout your heart, and contaminate your whole body. It will start to manifest itself in your attitude, demeanor, and even your health.

In addition, the spreading can also affect your children and your family. Have you ever noticed how one person's criticism makes everyone else critical, too? It's the same with bitterness. Paul compares it to yeast when he writes, "A little leaven, leavens the whole lump" (Galatians 5:6). When you bring bitterness into your life it extends to your family, your church body, and everyone else who is involved in your life.

Getting Rid of Bitterness
You may feel like there is little hope left for your marriage relationship. You may be so full of bitterness that you've convinced yourself that your marriage could never be healed, but let me assure you that the healing begins with yourself. With God, all things are possible (Matthew 19:26). Here are four steps to take to begin healing from bitterness.

First, confess your bitterness as a sin. It's so easy to justify our attitude when we've been hurt, but the Bible teaches that bitterness is a sin. Hebrews 12:14-15 says, "Pursue peace with all men, and the sanctification without which no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled…" You must seek peace with your husband and the grace to forgive.

Second, ask for God's strength to forgive your husband and diligently seek that forgiveness. In Ephesians 4:31-32, Paul exhorts us to "Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you." It's hard to be tender-hearted to a man who has hurt you, but it is possible. We have the power to forgive because Christ forgave us, and He gives us strength through the Holy Spirit (Colossians 2:9-11).

Third, make a list of your hurts and find a time to talk to your husband about it. After you've made your list, pray about which things you can let go and which need to be resolved. If you can let them go, then do so. You may want to physically scratch off each one that you can forgive as an act of faith. Then for those transgressions that are left, ask God to give you the strength to talk to your husband about them.

Before talking to your spouse, let him know that you plan to set aside some undistracted time for you to talk about some issues. As you talk, keep the discussion productive. Start by confessing your own sins to him. Then talk to him about your hurts. Don't just dump all your irritations and criticisms on him, but speak in love with gentleness and rationale.

If you feel like you can't talk to your husband alone, then ask a pastor or mentor couple to join you in the discussion. Make sure your husband knows that someone else will be there. Once you begin, your spouse may deny his behavior or even become irritated. But the object of the discussion is to expose the wounds, not to accuse. Keep love the main motivator of your communication.

Fourth, worry about changing yourself, not your husband. You cannot change your spouse—only God can. But what you can do is allow God to change your heart. If you have a log of bitterness in your own eye, how can you take the speck out of your husband's eye? (Matthew 7:3). You, too, have made choices in this relationship that have hurt your husband and need to be mended. Even though your husband's sin goes unresolved for now, he will answer for them one day before God (Matthew 10:26). In the same way, God will hold you responsible for the bitterness in your heart.


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Controlling Your Anger

By Crawford Loritts

It was twenty-five years ago, but I still remember the lesson I learned from the near disaster in the Loritts home.

My wife, Karen, and I were arguing, and I had become very angry. I felt that she wasn't understanding what I was trying to tell her. We weren't shouting at each other, but the intensity level of the conversation had taken a decidedly upward turn.

I wanted to get out of our apartment to cool off, so I turned to walk out the door. As I did, I passed by our first child, Bryan, a toddler at the time, who was sitting in the middle of the living room floor. I walked out the door and slammed it behind me, and when I did the glass in the door shattered and sprayed around the living room floor.

When I heard the sound of the breaking glass, I felt a wave of panic as I remembered that Bryan was sitting close to the door. I spun around to see that my son was surrounded by shards of glass but that he miraculously was not injured. I can still see him sitting there, jagged pieces of glass sitting mere inches from him.

Crawford, your outburst of anger could have hurt your son very badly, I thought.

I was so grateful that Bryan wasn't hurt by my tantrum. And I was grateful for the lesson this incident taught me. To this day, whenever I am tempted to engage in an outburst of anger, God brings that scene back to my mind.

We need to make sure we have control over our anger. Although some Bible teachers and preachers might assert that anger itself is a sin, it is a God-given emotion that has its place in a godly life, as long as it is kept under control. Anger becomes sin when we lose control of it—when it controls us.

This kind of anger—anger that is based on human emotion and not on godly wisdom—is poison to relationships of all kinds. Marriages, friendships, business partnerships, and parent-child relationships suffer and even die when uncontrolled anger is allowed to enter the picture. The apostle James had this to say about anger:

This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger, for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God (James 1:19-20).

In other words, you can save yourself a lot of trouble if you keep your ears open, your mouth closed, and your temper under control.

We will keep our anger under control when we learn to lend an ear to a situation, then respond appropriately. When we keep quiet and patiently listen to the facts, we keep ourselves from flying off the handle, or reacting in unwarranted and ungodly anger. In short, we must make sure we respond to the facts and avoid reacting emotionally to what we see.

Before you allow yourself to get angry, take a deep breath, count the cost of the anger, submit your anger to the ruling of the Holy Spirit, then respond as He would have you respond. When you do these things, you'll find yourself wasting a lot less valuable time and emotion on useless anger.

Excerpted from Lessons from a Life Coach. By Crawford Loritts, Jr., Published by Moody Publishers, Chicago, Ill. Copyright © 2001 by Crawford W. Loritts, Jr. Used with permission.

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Adoption: Heaven's Gift

By Marlo Schalesky

As told by Vanessa, age 47

"Surprise! You're infertile!" my gynecologist said to me one day when I was in for my yearly exam. Well, she didn't actually say that, but she might as well have.

I was lying in that most uncomfortable position, while the doctor poked around with her cold instruments. I stared at the ceiling and gripped the thin tissue sheet that was supposed to cover me.

"So do you see anything odd down there?" I asked.

The doctor glanced up. "Everything looks fine," she said, then looked at me more closely. "Why? Have you been experiencing anything that I should know about?"

"No, not really," I answered. "It's just that Steve and I have been trying to get pregnant."
She gave a thoughtful "hmmm" and continued her prodding.

I tried not to squirm.

She held up a long stick that looked like an overgrown Q-tip. "You can sit up now."
I breathed a sigh of relief and pushed myself up, being careful to grab the pink tissue sheet and tuck it in around me.

"So how long have you been trying to get pregnant?" she asked, as she pulled off her thin rubber gloves.

"Oh, about a year and a half."

She paused and examined me for a moment with her eyes. I could tell what she was thinking. I felt a little colder and tugged at the tissue again.

"You know," she said finally, "infertility is defined as a year of unprotected sex without conception. You may want to consider having some tests done."

The tissue tore in my hand.

Infertility? Tests? I swallowed. "Uh ... but, oh, are you sure?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "You said it has been over a year?"

"Yes, but—"

"But?"

"Maybe our timing has been off."

"Maybe," she answered, but I could tell she didn't believe it. I cringed.

"Still, if you're serious about getting pregnant," she continued, "I'd highly recommend the tests."
I swallowed again, hard, then took a deep breath before answering. "Okay, if you say so. What do I need to do?"

She picked up her pencil and scribbled something on a sheet of paper. "Not just you, Steve too."

I grimaced. Steve was going to hate this.

The doctor watched me for a moment. When I didn't say anything, she nodded once and continued writing. "I'm ordering the preliminary tests. How does next week sound for you?"

A Chance for Adoption
And so began the journey that would last for the next eight years. During that time we had enough tests and procedures to make me feel like a human pincushion, as well as two miscarriages and numerous heartbreaks.

We were about to consider in vitro fertilization when a call came from my husband's 22-year-old cousin.

She asked for Steve, and I handed him the phone. After about forty-five seconds, a startled expression crossed his face, followed by eager anticipation. His eyes met mine. "We'll take the baby!" he nearly shouted into the receiver.

My hand flew to his arm. "What's going on?" I mouthed the question.

He put his palm over the lower half of the receiver and quickly whispered, "Shanna's pregnant. She says she doesn't want the baby. She was planning to abort, but she'll have the baby if we want to adopt it."

My mouth fell open. "Is she serious?"

He nodded, then spoke into the receiver again. "Yes, yes, absolutely. That'll be no problem. Just send us the bills." He paused while Shanna spoke on the other end of the line. Steve grabbed my hand in his and grinned. "Okay, then, we'll talk to you again later," he said into the phone. "Take care now. And thank you. Thank you so much." He hung up.

"Can you believe it?" he said to me as he turned, grabbed me, and swung me into the air. "We're going to have a baby at last!"

But I wasn't so sure. After two miscarriages, I knew how attached a woman could become to the baby growing in her womb. Still, I laughed with him and wondered, Could this be it, Lord?

In the following months as Shanna grew larger and larger, so did our hopes. Steve's family was so excited for us. They began buying baby clothes and planning a party for the new arrival. Shanna was pleased, too. Despite my doubts, she continued to reassure me that everything was going to happen as planned. She called every week with updates and always told me about her doctor visits. I went in with her to her 22-week ultrasound appointment and saw the baby for the first time—a little girl. The sight brought tears to my eyes. Will that be my baby, Lord?

The baby was due in September, and somewhere around mid-July I started to really believe that this was going to end happily for us, that we would finally have a baby of our own. I began to plan the nursery and buy pink little girl things to decorate it.

Then, three weeks before the baby was due, Shanna called again. When she asked for Steve, I knew something was wrong. He took the phone, and immediately his features hardened into a look of pain. After a minute he hung up the phone and turned to me. "She says she's keeping the baby."

Crying Heartbreak
The words dug into my heart like talons. Steve gathered me in his arms. We stood there, too hurt to cry, too stunned to speak, with the morning light pouring through the kitchen window to make a rainbow of colors on the tile counter top.

In the weeks that followed, as the baby was born and Shanna took her home, no one seemed to understand our pain. Steve's family couldn't see why we would stay away from family gatherings where the baby would be. From their view, we were overreacting. After all, the family still got a new baby. All the gifts they bought were given to the baby just the same. It was only Steve and I who felt the loss. We were left to grieve alone.

After the failed adoption attempt with Shanna, we continued infertility treatments and also tried to find another baby to adopt. So the waiting started again, along with the hoping, the disappointments, the wondering if it would ever happen for us.

"Doesn't anyone care? Doesn't anyone understand?" I cried so many times during those years when I felt abandoned by God and forgotten by him. Little did I know that He really did care. He understood. He had a plan. But I wouldn't find that out for another three years.

By that time infertility treatments had eaten up our savings. Steve had recently lost his job and was now working as a Kelly temp. I was a substitute teacher. And, to top it off, we'd sold our house and moved to a rental in a nearby town. In other words, not only was the possibility of continuing treatments looking grim, but we weren't exactly what an adoption agency or birth mom would be looking for. All my hopes for a baby came crumbling down around me. I felt there was no way I'd ever be a mom.

But just when life looked the bleakest, another call came.

I was working a Christmas job at the mall when my friend Sally handed me the phone. "It's Steve," she said. "He says it's important."

A dozen red and green ribbons in my hand, I took the receiver with the other. "Hey, hon, we're pretty busy here right now," I said, as another customer approached my booth.

"Would you like a brand-new baby boy?" Steve blurted out.

"Call me back in ten minutes."

"Oh, okay."

I hung up the phone, then stopped. Did Steve just say what I thought he said? Something about a baby? I grabbed the phone again, turning to my customer. "I'm sorry, I need to make a call. Sally will help you." I quickly dialed home again and waited. The phone rang and rang and rang. Finally I hung up.

The next ten minutes dragged by like an 18-wheeler going up a steep grade. Finally the phone rang. I snatched it up. "Steve, is that you?"

Steve laughed. "Did you even hear me the first time I called?"

"Not really. Did you say something about a baby?"

"A baby boy. Shelley from next door called about him this morning."

"Tell me more."

"Well, his mother's a 14-year-old rape victim who chose to go ahead with the pregnancy and place the baby up for adoption. Shelley's sister was going to adopt him, but she just found out she's pregnant, so Shelley called us."

I was silent.

"Did you hear me? They want to know if we want to adopt the baby."

"Are you sure it's for real this time?"

"Pretty sure. Shelley says so."

My mind spun around the possibility. A baby? For me? For us? I cleared my throat. "You said yes, didn't you?"

Steve laughed again. "I said I'd talk to you, but I was sure you'd agree."

"Of course I do!" The customer at the counter gave me a strange look as my voice raised an octave.

"Well, the mother's in the hospital tonight and is supposed to be induced tomorrow morning. I'm five minutes from there now. Can you meet me?"

"I'll be there in ten minutes." I slammed down the receiver, grabbed my coat, and headed for the parking lot. "I gotta go!" I yelled to Sally. "I won't be back until tomorrow. Cover for me?"

"Sure," she shouted back. "But this better be good."

"It is!"

Hope Ahead
I reached the hospital in record time, met Steve and hurried up to the room. The moment I met Missy, I knew she was a special girl. She looked up at us from the bed and smiled. "So you're the family Shelley told me about?" She extended her hand. I took it in my own. "I'm so glad my baby's going to such a good home." She closed her eyes.

I leaned over and squeezed her hand tighter. "Thank you. You don't know how much this means to us."

Her eyes, deep brown and innocent, opened and looked up into mine. "It was the only way I could think of to make good come from the awful thing that happened to me."

I nodded, as any words I would have said clogged behind the lump in my throat.

For two hours we sat with her and talked until visiting hours were over. "Come back tomorrow," she called as a nurse showed us out of the room. "You'll want to be here when he's born."

That night was the longest of my life. The next morning we went to the hospital and sat in the waiting room. Casey was born at eleven minutes to seven that evening. The nurse ushered us into the birthing room.

Missy sat up in the bed with a baby in her arms. Her mother stood beside her. Missy looked from the baby to us. A smile lit her face. "He's perfect," she said. "Healthy and perfect."

I held my breath, fearing what else she might say, hoping for what I had thought was impossible. Slowly she lifted the baby and held him toward me. She whispered as she placed him in my arms, "My gift to you."

Amazing, Precious Gift
At that moment, as I looked into Casey's tiny, scrunched up face, I knew that the tests, the pills, the lunch hours with no lunch were all over. I was immediately enamored and fascinated with the small bundle in my arms and amazed that God and Missy were granting us this precious gift.

When we got home, my sister was waiting for us with packages of onesies, sleepers, blankets, wipes and over two hundred diapers. The next day friends and family brought over a bassinet, a stroller, a car seat, cans of formula and all kinds of miscellaneous baby things. By the time we brought Casey home, we had everything we needed.

The next day my parents came to visit. When they'd first heard about Casey, they immediately brought up a dozen objections. "What if they take him away?" "What if she changes her mind?" "What if this turns out like the last one?" They were determined not to get attached until everything was finalized. But as soon as they came through the door and took one look at the tiny baby in my arms, they were instantly transformed into Casey's grandparents.

On the day of my shower for Casey two weeks later, my mother wept when I introduced her to Shelley. She gave her a big hug and said, "Thank you for my grandson!" I was filled with wonder at what God had done for all of us.

Then two years and ten months later another call came, and to make a long story short, a baby daughter joined our family.

We're in our late forties now, and the kids are eleven and eight. Today I can look back on the heartache of infertility and see that through all the pain, through all the disappointments, God hadn't forgotten us. Despite my doubts and questions, God knew what he was doing. And though I may not have believed it when we were going through the tests, procedures, miscarriages and failed adoption, God's plan was in operation. In fact, everything turned out just right.


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From Empty Womb, Aching Heart, published by Bethany House Publishers. Copyright © 2001, Marlo Schalesky. All rights reserved. International copyright secured. Used by permission.

The World's Waiting Children Matter

The numbers are staggering...More than 140 million orphans worldwide…15 million children orphaned due to AIDS…500,000 children in America’s foster care system…127,000 children in the US waiting for adoptive homes.

The numbers make the problem seem insurmountable, and for any one of us, they are. Yet, there is One who cares deeply — our Father in heaven. And His reach extends even to the fatherless.

Throughout the Bible, God shares His compassion, His love, and His special concern for the most vulnerable among us — the orphan. The world’s waiting children. Children with no father or mother to protect them, waiting for someone to care for them, someone to love them.

The Scriptures are clear that the Lord gives the family of God the responsibility to care for the orphan's needs — to love and protect them. In fact, God's concern for orphans is so central to his plan for us here on earth that he inspired James to write: "Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world" (James 1:27).

Why would God tell us that caring for orphans is "pure and undefiled religion?"

Maybe it’s because the world sees God’s heart when He works through his people to help the helpless. And maybe it’s because caring for orphans is such a perfect picture of our relationship with God. In our inability to please God with our own efforts, in our utter helplessness to initiate a relationship with him, we are more like orphans and strangers than we like to admit.
It’s time for the body of Christ to step up. The urgent needs of orphans around the world are calling the Christian community today to a radical faith. One church, one family, one person can make a difference.

Today, God is stirring the hearts of his people to this incredible need and opportunity. There is a movement of an increasing number of churches and evangelical organizations worldwide who are coming together as one voice to not only raise awareness but more importantly to mobilize the body of Christ to take action on behalf of the orphan.

“Vindicate the weak and fatherless; do justice to the afflicted and destitute. Rescue the weak and needy; deliver them out of the hand of the wicked.”— Psalm 82:3-4

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Why The Culture Wars Might Not Be An Accurate Scorecard

By Larry Osborne

Senior Pastor, North Coast Church

The Great Commission is our life mission. That means our salt needs to get out of the salt shaker. Our light must be placed on a hilltop. And the gospel must be articulated and defended.

But it seems to me that we often forget that the results are out of our hands. Those of us on the Calvinistic end of the theological spectrum claim that the response of individuals depends upon God’s irresistible call. Those of us on the Arminian side claim it’s determined by freewill and choice. Either way, it’s ultimately out of our control.

Our Waning Cultural Influence
Admittedly, the American Church has lost much of its cultural influence over the decades. We are no longer the religion of power. We no longer determine cultural values or political correctness.

But does that mean that today’s Christians are any less godly or faithful than those of 100, 50, or even 2,000 years ago?

I don’t think so.

Cultural impact has far more to do with who’s in political power than whether or not the church is living up to its calling. The times of unique visitation we call revivals are much more about what God is up to than what we are up to. Fact is, the church of high cultural influence is just as likely to be filled with hypocrites and sin as the church of low cultural influence.

LOOK AT ROME: It took a few hundred years for the early church to spread its influence to the point of dominance (don’t miss that, we think in terms of what happens in a 20-70 year time span while history tends to play out in centuries). And once Christianity became the official religion of Rome it may have appeared that a faithful church was winning the day, but I would argue that it was actually losing – and losing badly.

The ascent of Christianity’s political and cultural power caused lots of people to claim to be Christians in order to gain the social acceptance and power that came with it. But the continued widespread moral decline, decadence, and eventual fall of the Roman Empire leads me to believe that even as the church was growing more and more influential it was becoming less and less faithful.

LOOK AT AMERICA: Much the same thing holds true when we look back at the so-called heyday of the American church’s influence upon culture. I’m not so sure that we were as faithful or our culture was as godly as we paint them to be.

Yes, Biblical values were more likely to be articulated back then than they are today. And, yes, many of our laws and court decisions were far more in tune with God’s laws than they are today – that is unless you happened to be a black man during the days of slavery; or later during the Jim Crow era; or a single mom seeking a good paying job; or a Jew trying to join the country club, or . . .

And as far as the glory days of Father Knows Best, Leave It to Beaver, and stay-at-home moms; were they really that great? And if they were, how did they end up producing a generation of sex-crazed, free-love, dope smoking, hippies who grew up to be self-absorbed boomers?

Fact is, the heyday of our influence wasn’t necessarily the heyday of our faithfulness.

Faithfulness and Impact
If we are going to judge the faithfulness of today’s church by the measure of our waning cultural influence, then Jesus, the prophets, and the Apostles have a lot of explaining to do.

Jesus drew big crowds during his earthly ministry. But they included lots of losers and sinners (not former losers and sinners, current losers and sinners). I’m sure some of the critics of today’s church would have lambasted him for the low quality of his followers. And no doubt they would have noted his dismal long-term impact as the crowds dwindled down to 120 hiding in an upper room after his death and resurrection.

The prophets weren’t much different. Take Jeremiah. He was no spiritual slouch. But his impact upon his contemporaries was practically nil. And the same goes for most of the other prophets.
Ditto for the Apostles. Didn’t all but one of them die a martyr’s death? That’s hardly winning the culture wars. I’m sure lots of books and conference talks could have ripped on their inability to win over the world around them.

Fact is: Sometimes culture responds to Godly living and truth – sometimes it doesn’t.

The harshest critics of the church today seem to ignore this. They assume that if we’d just play all our cards right – and live out our faith exactly as God wants – then large numbers of people around us would automatically respond to the gospel. It’s an assumption that neither scripture nor history supports.
___________________________

None of this is meant to say that the American Church today is the epitome of spirituality. On the contrary, we’re messed up big time. But before we pick up stones and start throwing them at our brothers and sisters (have you noticed that all the critics always exclude themselves and their tribe or movement) we need remember that struggling with sin and carnality has been the plight of God’s people throughout history. Maybe that’s why it’s called grace.

Jesus continues to build his church. He promised he would despite our failures and shortcomings. That’s why I’m an optimist. As I survey the national landscape, I see a new generation of passionate and godly leaders being raised up by God. Many are unknown at this point, some already have mega ministries. But these men and women are fully committed and well equipped to reach their own generation. I’m confident they will fight the good fight.

Will they win large crowds?

I don’t know.

Will they win the culture wars?

I have no idea.

But I do know that I won’t judge their faithfulness by the response of those they are trying to reach. Instead, I’ll let God judge it by the only thing that He’s ever held his people responsible for – their faithfulness, not their cultural impact


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